my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
