So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
