dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
