your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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