I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize