mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In America we eat man semen.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Boobs speak an international language.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
