So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
