"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dignity is for republicans.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
