hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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