im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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