if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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