I feel like abortions should bother me more
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
