just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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