I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
