I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
