sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And then he peed in my hair
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