I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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