Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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