Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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