I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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