I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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