I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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