At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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