And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
