also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
