can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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