Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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