I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
