So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
