Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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