Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
