oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
