Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
