i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
