turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it glows. i had to have it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
