Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
