Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize