I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
