Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
