4 words: hood of his car
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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