after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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