My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
