I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize