He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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