Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
