just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize