sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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