I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
