your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
