Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
