Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
