Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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