Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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