What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
