why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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