I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
zippers are such a cool invention
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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