I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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