I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize