i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
