we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
