just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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