I wish I could teleport
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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