Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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