If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
