She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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