I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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