My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
