Will you blow on my dice?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
